Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I would fuck him just for his dog
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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