I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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