honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
