im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
