Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
