I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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