dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
