he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
