U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so let's talk penis.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
