I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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