Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
