I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
