Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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