My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Randomize
