He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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