Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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