I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
