why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
