Kiss
Puke
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Mom said you looked used
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
