Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
