my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
