***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
