I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize