Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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