See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
