Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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