DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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