We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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