Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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