I want to have your abortion
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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