we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize