He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
