i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
