if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
