I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
