I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
