I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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