LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
