the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
