It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
