dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
