So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize