i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
