Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
