"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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