I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
