Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
