i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
nutella sex= disaster
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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