I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
