A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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