I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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