We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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