now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
