Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I love you.
Bad choice
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize