When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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