his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize