I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
