Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
smell my finger.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
