Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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