It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
