I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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