i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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