you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
