conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
birth control should be required to get into college
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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