i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
