He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize