So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
