I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
