it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she pinky promised me she was 18
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
