my vag is so smooth its legendary
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just forgot I was standing up.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
