I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
