theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
