She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize