Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
