I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
babies were throwing up all over the place
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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