omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
