So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
