vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
