Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
my shit smells like andre
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
