im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
