totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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