mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
