You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
