NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
