I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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