he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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