i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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