The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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