I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize