this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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