just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
