My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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