i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
4 words: hood of his car
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
operation have a gay friend backfired
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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