ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We need to get me chipped asap
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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