He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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