Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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