it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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