I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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