thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize