No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
